An example of an intercultural scenario I have witnessed is a conversation between my sister and a relative from rural China. This happened 2 years ago when my uncle from China came to my house to stay for a week. I observed that he is quite bossy and kept ordering my sister to do things for him such as washing the dishes, cleaning up after him and even packing his bed. On the third day, my sister could not tolerate him anymore. She confronted him and scolded him for being bossy and lazy. Of course, my uncle retaliated and started to "lecture" my sister. He started to "teach" her how a woman should behave, how she should be submissive and serve the males in the family. Furthermore, he added that the highest virtue of a woman is to "serve the males in the household" so to improve the quality of life in the family. My sister argued that women are not born to serve males and the equality of males and females. She even accused my uncle for being a male chauvinist pig (A male person who thinks women are merely objects to be used for pleasure, esthetic value or labour). The conversation ended of with both parties complaining to my parents.
I understand that my uncle come from a highly masculine culture whereby they view men as strong, assertive and focused on success and view women as modest and tender. Furthermore, in his own family, his wife must be submissive and is expected to do all the chores at home as he is the "head of the family". On the other hand, my sister is raised in a highly feminine culture whereby they view men and women more similarly. She has her own career and is able to support herself and need not be dependent on any man. Hence she got annoyed when my uncle expected her to do all the housework. My uncle is also shocked when my sister retaliate and scolded him to be demanding and unreasonable as it is something he won't experience in his own family.
I believe they will be able to communicate more effectively if they factor in culture differences in their interpersonal communication. As this allows them to have a shift in mindset and alter their expectations of one another. My uncle should understand that Singapore is a relatively more feminine culture while my sister should know that my uncle lives in a highly masculine society. This shows that knowledge in other people's cultural can be tremendously useful as it alters our style of communication and expectations, thus improving the quality of our interpersonal communication.
How would you interpret this conflict in light of your understanding of culture?
Hi Yewtong!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the story between your sister and your uncle. Coming from an Asian family, your story is highly relatable because of our understanding on the traditional Asian values from our heritage.
If I were your sister, I would probably help the uncle do the 'chores' since he is just staying for a week. Ultimately, he is a guest and as a host, I would want to let my guests have a comfortable stay. However, I would tell the uncle my rationale in helping him, which is because I want to be a good host. Hence it would be much appreciated if he did not 'order' me around, as I serve him due to my own goodwill, not because it is my duty to do so.
It would be for the best if the uncle could understand the difference in the values between generations and not enforce his values on others. However, as a senior, it would be rather difficult for him to see things in my point of view. Hence if he continues to force his expectations on me, I would most probably reflect my unhappiness to my parents and hope that they relay the message for me. Since I am a junior and he might think that my feelings are not worth any consideration as the traditional belief is that juniors are to obey seniors mindlessly.
Hark Hui